Ben and Rhona's Craptacular Academy Awards Low-Down! - Part 2

It's the moment you've all been waiting for with baited breath; that's right, it's time at last to finish what we started with Ben and Rhona's Craptacular Academy Awards Low-Down! *cue cheesy game show music*

So far we've seen gay con artist computer programs in space deal with their crippling family issues and now it's on to the last of our contestants. Who will win the coveted Worst Best Picture Award? Only time, or a quick scroll to the bottom of the page, will tell. Without further ado, lets get the ball rolling:

Ben and Rhona's Craptacular Academy Awards Low-Down! - Part 1

So much letter-glisten...

That week is upon us once again, ladies and gents, when we as a global community gather together to watch lots of rich people in fancy suits gawk at each other for a grand total of five minutes before we get bored of vapid Hollywood navel gazing and go find something else to do. Possibly procure a farmyard animal to sodomise or whatever it is we non-rich-white-Americans do instead of shoving gold statues into each other's rectums while telling each other how important we are.

Hollywood's idea of the average viewer.

But it's not about the red carpet parade, it's about the movies; I love movies. I also love tactless derision and ruining things for other people so, in that spirit, my good friend Rhona and I have gathered together to make fun of what we love for your enjoyment. And what better a time is there to cast our mocking gaze over the wonderful world of cinema like a sarky Eye of Sauron than the week of the Academy Awards? Of course, it would be boring to just review the films in the running like normal people so instead we have decided to look at each of the nine candidates for Best Picture this year and explain why you should definitely not go to see these films, finishing with our choice for the 86th Academy Awards Worst Best Picture, because no-one is ever allowed to have nice things.

Film Facts 2: Gravity Capsule

Gravity was pretty good, wasn't it? Yeah, it's pretty much unanimous that it was a great film, with some stellar (eh, eh?!) acting from Sandra "Hyperventilating" Bullock and George Clooney and very pretty CGI and sound editing; I'll be gobsmacked if it doesn't pick up this year's Academy Award for visual effects, which it's apparently already in the finalists for. Since we all already know Gravity is good, I thought I'd skip the whole reviewing thing and focus on some of the logistics of the movie. Heads up to those of you that still think Hollywood has the balls to hire someone like Sandra Bullock and kill her off, because I'm going to spoil the ending for you. Around about...now.

Space never looked so dirty.

She lives. Shock, horror. But, frankly, that's hardly the point of the film and if this truly ground-breaking revelation is going to detract from your enjoyment the I shall gleefully direct you to this Cracked article (which is, obviously, gospel) that says you apparently enjoy things more when you already know the end. So mneh.