Breaking Bad Pre-emptive Spoiler

Walt dies.





Or something.





Maybe.


I doubt it to be honest.

I don't know really. Why not just wait until tonight?

Medical School: A Survival Guide - Part 2

Hello, dear reader, and welcome to the second volume in my handy medical school survival guide. What delight is to come next in our exodus into the deep chasm of textbooks and panic sweat that is medicine, wherein no light or hope shall ever escape?

Replace hope with a solid bowel movement and you're talking about Jimmy Chung's.

Well we've already made it as far as the actual medical school so the next thing you're likely to encounter is the thing I touched very briefly on last time:

Friday the 13th Special: Top 5 Survivors

The attentive few among you may be aware that today is not Friday the 13th. Nor is it even a Friday. To be honest, that whole title is a bunch of filthy, filthy lies. I'm not even planning on doing a list article (more shameless Cracked plugging, because those guys really need it). I jest. Yes, this article is a little late for the titular day of unluckiness and gore and such, but I'll be damned if I'm going to give myself more work by not playing by my new posting schedule, so you'll read this five days late and bloody well enjoy it!

He's still on call for another week; don't make me page him.

To celebrate Jason Voorhees' official nameday, I thought it might be nice to commemorate his insatiable desire to horrifically murder vast swathes of people, leaving but one man (or, more likely, one buxom blonde woman) standing, usually soaked in blood and fear pee. So, for your viewing pleasure, I have collated a list of my top 5 survivors in cinema, ranked by the percentage survival rate of their situation in comparison to real world versions. A bit like if I were to suggest the least safe medical procedure performed in a film compared to your likelihood of bleeding to death while doing it in real life.

Another landslide victory for improvised amputations!

So lets get this party started with a couple hundred horrific drownings.

Medical School: A Survival Guide - Part 1

You, yes you! Are you interested in a career in medicine? Are you interested in knowing more about medicine? Or being a medical student? Are you simply a regular reader of this blog? Are you lost and slightly confused by this sudden and unwarranted barrage of questions? Do you require medical assistance?

If so then sit down, apply pressure to your gaping wound and read on, the magical healing properties of my amazing literary prowess shall tend to you as I give you a whirlwind tour of the ups, the downs, the further downs, and the rock bottoms of choosing to do a medical degree, all divided into handy, deadline-filling chapters for your ease.

Medical school is hard. Like really hard. I think they use tungsten or something, definitely don't try biting it. There's long hours, tough material, strict rules and a very unusual collection of colleagues to deal with, so if you think you want to do it, it's best going in knowing the basics. I am, obviously, an expert seeing as I have survived a whole year, so listen to my every word and take it as gospel. There will be a test.

"Would you all pass your answer sheets back up to the front, please."

Without further ado, let us begin our endless journey into the fiery chasm of medical school. I'll be using my university as a template but I assume in my infinite knowledge that these things apply at least to every single other medical school in the world.

Now I've Seen It, Now I'm Never Watching It Again

I have a very love-hate relationship with magic. On the one hand, I love the concept of using sleight of hand and mind tricks to create an impressive illusion or even to influence another person, but on the other my insatiable ego cannot withstand the frustration of not being able to work out how the trick was done. It's like loving Ben and Jerry's but at the same time seething with each delicious spoonful due to your lack of knowledge of ice cream production.

How they get the fish in there will forever be a mystery.

Machete Don't Blog

You may know of Robert Rodriguez as Quentin Tarantino's non-union Mexican equivalent, or as the director of Sin City and Planet Terror. I, however, was first introduced to him in my youth through the wonder that is the Spy Kids movies. You know, the ones about kids. Who are spies. Also there are thumbs. Like, literally characters that are just thumbs.

And these things. The fuck was up with this movie?

Why is this relevant to my current post which, due to the title and inclusion of a large poster above, is evidently not about the Espionage Infants series? Other than having the same director, of course. The reason is because there is another, even more awesome link between these films and our subject for today, Machete. They both have Machete in them.

Never Trust A Blogger

Ok, so I lied a little bit. Or at least I didn't hold my end of the bargain. That isn't necessarily lying, right? It's just untrustworthiness.

"You can completely rely on me, I promise."

It turns out that moving into a new flat is not exactly ideal in sticking to a deadline, particularly when your internet hub decides to get itself posted to the wrong address, but now that everything is up and running I can now wholeheartedly issue a late apology for a late (and as yet unfinished) post to you, my beloved readers, who no doubt feel betrayed and ever so slightly disgruntled.

The equivalent of what I have done to you.

On a positive note, though, I can cheerfully announce that I am officially moved in to the new flat, and I think I'm safe in saying that this is going to be a good year. The new carpets and lino have done wonders to the place, it no longer feels quite like a squatter's second home, the toilet no longer looks like it was used as a set in Trainspotting, and with all of my stuff crammed in and the internet now working like a charm, it's starting to feel like home...

Home is where you hang your victims.

Flat posts should be expected imminently, along with a new series of posts helping you eager wee beans start a crash course in medicine. Said posts essentially being a thinly-veiled attempt at pretending to revise while really just getting the opportunity to make terrible biology jokes. You probably won't like it at first, but it'll grow on you. Like cancer.

I was going to be cruel and show a kid with leukaemia, but I couldn't pass up this horrifically informative diagram.

So yes, the next week or so might be a little all over the place as I get into a new routine, but keep the faith, my young padawans, there will be posts eventually!

And on a completely unrelated and utterly shoehorned note, I've decided to plug the new EP by one of my work colleagues from me bar job last month. She's lovely and a pretty gosh darn good music maker what with the strumming and voice noises and such. Have a nosey here or here, even just listen to the previews, and see what you think. I personally don't think it's half bad.

"It's alright." - A glowing review from Ben Thompson, Music Expert