Wednesday, 26 March 2014

Introducing ... Rhona!

Huh, this seems a lot more intimidating than when I was collaborating on that Craptacular Academy Awards post! I guess it's because if you didn't like my style of writing or reviewing, at least you had your trusty guide Ben to pick up my shattered pieces ... oh well, deal with it!

I have been mentioned a few times and my name is in the title of this very post, but I guess it's best to get introductions out the way - Hello! How are you? How's the wife? ... Oh, ah, I see. Well, um, I'm sorry it didn't work out ...
shameless plug cartoon
Everything I aspire to be in life, and more.
Anyway! My name is Rhona, I'm a nineteen year old film student and a buddy of Ben's. How did I come across this prestigious opportunity to write on Ben's blog? I didn't sleep with him! Gosh, filthy lot you are. No, see, the other weekend I (finally) hauled my ass onto a train and went through to visit Ben. Whilst I was there, I mentioned that I was thinking about creating my own film blog because I enjoyed writing for the Oscars post (a blog that has been made and look, a couple of shiny new reviews! clickity click.). Shameless plug now out the way, after mentioning this, Ben asked me if I fancied writing here - he wanted to up the number of times this blog was updated per week and it seemed like a good idea! Now, because Benny-Boy is a shmuck, his university makes him do exaaaaaaaams whereas mine doesn't, as mine is more performance/essay based grading. I had to do an exam last year, it was awful. Still got an A though, that's right bitches. Anyway, back on track. I don't have to study for a bunch of exams, so whilst he's doing that, yaknow, getting a proper education n' all that, I'll be your new guide! Then, hopefully at then end of this trial period, we'll decide whether or not I'll stay on at this end of it!

So let's get to it then, shall we? Reviewing films and all that jazz, it's why we're all here isn't it! I'm going to start off with the film that was the feature of my screening this week:

Wednesday, 19 March 2014

The Best Laid Plans of Flats and Men

Well I'll be. Nine months and 49 posts later and I'm still here. That's more commitment than I'm used to; most of the stuff I do doesn't usually last much longer than the amount of time it takes for me to run out of wine.

wine glass
Twelve minutes. Thirteen if it's particularly vinegary.
To celebrate the milestone of my 50th post, I thought I'd finally let all of you see how my lovely flat (as featured in these past three instalments) has turned out after many months of buying useless shit and cramming it in. I'm sad to say that the kitchen is a lost cause having not really changed much at all, apart from becoming a permanently sticky mess:

messy kitchen
Apparently there's a counter under all this.
However the other two places, the living room and bedroom, have come along very nicely indeed. The living room now looks like this. Let's play a game of "Spot the Pop Culture Reference":

Wednesday, 12 March 2014

Battle of the Blockbusters: Contagion vs The Flu

contagion flu gamgi poster comparison
"There was nothing they could do to stop...The Flutagion!"

Christ, it's been a month since I reviewed a movie; and nearly two since I reviewed a horror film. The fuck is going on around here? This will not do, this will not do at all. To rectify the situation, I bring you yet another new kind of post where I pit two similar movies against each other and force them to battle to the death, Star Trek style.

star trek kirk spock fight to death
No modified kayak paddles were harmed in the making of this article.
In the red corner we have Contagion, the 2011 disaster thriller about Gwyneth Paltrow fucking everyone's shit up by eating badly cooked pig. In the blue corner is Flu/Gamgi, South Korea's 2013 answer to that other film I just mentioned.

The idea here will be to look at both movies side by side, pick out their similarities and differences and eventually name one of them the ultimate victor. Maybe I'll even come up with a suitable killing blow to the loser, something that would make Mortal Kombat proud.

mortal kombat sub zero fatality
Because if you've already punched off their frozen head, you might as well shatter their torso too.
Without further ado...

Wednesday, 5 March 2014

3 Ways Community Has Ruined My Life

community logo

2009 was a big year. Not only was it the last year of the glorious decade that was the noughties, with all of its...stuff, but it was also the year that we lost a lot of great people; artists who touched the hearts of millions and were beloved by all. We all still miss the master of 80's teen rom coms: John Hughes.

michael jackson cuttlefish
Other notable deaths included an albino cuttlefish in a shoddily crafted human costume.
With every death, however, there comes rebirth, and although we had to say goodbye to some, our sorrow was stemmed by the release of something so perfect, something so ground-breakingly awesome, that our lives would be forever altered. 2009 was the year Community first aired.

abed jesus community
At last, the second coming!
I was only introduced to the show this year so I'm pretty late to the party but I think those of you who have also been graced by the touch of this genius will agree when I say that Community is possibly the greatest TV show ever made. If you, like me until so recently, have managed to miss this perfect storm of entertainment, please feel free to go watch it now. We'll wait.

But heed this warning well, dear reader, for once Pandora's box has opened it may never shut again and life as you knew it shall cease to be. To be touched by the glory of Community means to be changed forever, and those changes are not always good ones; something I had to learn the hard way. In order to save you from the same pain and to give you the chance to steel yourself against this unstoppable force of awesome akin to a televisual Ark of the Covenant ghost-splosion, I would like to draw to your attention three things that may never be the same again once you hit play:

raiders of the lost ark melting face gif
Community giveth and Community taketh away.

Saturday, 1 March 2014

Ben and Rhona's Craptacular Academy Awards Low-Down! - Part 2

It's the moment you've all been waiting for with baited breath; that's right, it's time at last to finish what we started with Ben and Rhona's Craptacular Academy Awards Low-Down! *cue cheesy game show music*

So far we've seen gay con artist computer programs in space deal with their crippling family issues and now it's on to the last of our contestants. Who will win the coveted Worst Best Picture Award? Only time, or a quick scroll to the bottom of the page, will tell. Without further ado, lets get the ball rolling: