Saturday, 28 June 2014

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

So I recently watched Kiss Kiss Bang Bang all the way through (I ran into some troubles the first time I tried to watch it, turns out some of those tooooootally legal websites for watching films can sometimes be awfully unreliable) and so I have some thoughts on the film, as one does.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang film 2005 poster
Blue blue white white red red.
So, a quick summary for those who haven't seen it: A murder mystery brings together a private eye, a struggling actress, and a thief masquerading as an actor. 

Wednesday, 25 June 2014

Uncle Boonmee And The Nature of Art

Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives film 2010 poster

OK, let's get the important bit out of the way: don't watch this movie. You don't need to nor should you ever want to. It's obtuse, self-indulgent and, worst of all, boring; so pretty much the kind of movie I'd end up making if I got my hands on a camera, but still. The point is: this is a piece of shit. Pretty, sure, but shit.
Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives film 2010 cave screenshot
You can polish a turd all you like but, at the end of the day, it still came out of an anus.
Good. I'm glad that we've got that sorted right off the bat; now I'll be a little more specific.

Saturday, 21 June 2014

Green Wing

Hello, hello and hello! Today, fine readers, I am here to talk to you about the criminally underrated television series called Green Wing.
Green Wing Channel 4 TV premiere advert
This was the best representation of the show I could find. for real.
So it's that time of the month again - no, I'm not talking about periods, I'm talking about that irrepressible desire to marathon a British Comedy. Because British Comedies are not watched in singular episodes, when it comes to the sometimes elusive British Comedy, you sit your ass down and you fasten your seatbelt and you prepare your eyeballs for some intense televisioning. But the question is, what do you watch? You've seen Black Books so many times you've lost count; you're talking along with the dialogue to  The IT Crowd because you know it so well and you made a start on Episodes, but then you got confused what episode you were on and feel like the stars aren't in the right position to start watching it again. So, what do you watch? Well my friends, that's where I introduce you to Green Wing.

Wednesday, 18 June 2014

FlapThulhu: A Glimpse Into More Than One Nightmare

Flapthulhu game version 2 poster

So, Flappy Bird.

flappy bird gif
I apologise sincerely for triggering the crippling PTSD that most of us suffer after this abomination of a game smeared it's Lionel-Ritchie-esque bird lips across our phone screens earlier in the year, either due to the muscle spasms and acute anxiety attacks it likely caused if you chose to play it or the aneurysm you suffered after screaming for the hundredth time at a ten year old on the bus to "TURN THE FUCKING SOUND OFF, YOU LITTLE SHIT! PLING, PLING, PLING! SEE IT'S ANNOYING ISN'T IT; PLING, PLING! IT'S NOT EVEN A REAL GAME!" *thud* *screech of brakes* *ambulance siren*

emergency hospital patient
"We've got another one! He spent three hours on the train next to a 60 year old playing Candy Crush."

Saturday, 14 June 2014

Release The Hounds

Picture this: it's a Wednesday night, me and some friends are hanging out in the living room, watching 'I Wanna Marry Harry', (a show that really deserves it's own post, but I probably won't write it). We've just finished laughing at various aspects of the terrible programme - mainly that the Prince Harry lookalike with a supposed 99% facial match (I'm calling bullshit on their crackpot science) to the real Prince Harry looks absolutely nothing like him; and it's hysterical. But this post is not about 'I Wanna Marry Harry'! No, this post today, dear readers, is about the show that graced my television directly after said atrocity ... 'Release the Hounds'!

Mr burns simpsons release the hounds
Oh shit, wrong image!
Release the hounds ITV TV show
Ahh, that's better!

Wednesday, 11 June 2014

How To Waste Time Like A Pro: Making A Senbazuru

Difficulty - 3/5
Duration - 4/5

Hi everybody! Do you have something important to be doing? Would you rather do absolutely anything else other than said important thing? Are you looking for ideas of things to do that is not that important thing? How about this?

Senbazuru 1000 origami cranes umbrella hope kibo
Umbrella not included.
That is what we call a Senbazuru or, in layman's terms, a thousand origami cranes. Or, in layerer layman's terms: a completely pointless time sink. I had the fortune of being able to do this for my SSC (the thing that also involved watching lots of films; such hardship...) as a piece exploring illness and dying, so it actually counted as work! If you, dear reader, are interested in making your own Senbazuru, then I've prepared a handy guide for you to follow.

Saturday, 7 June 2014

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Okay, not going to lie to you guys, I was pretty stuck for what I was going to write about this week. This week has been a fairly busy week for me which means I haven't had the chance to watch any films or play any games or read any books or whatever. You see, I've just gone back to work at my Students Union after it being closed for a couple of weeks; I've also started this new crazy thing called going to the gym which takes up a surprising amount of time; then come Wednesday night, which is usually my designated night to choose a topic, mother nature decided to fuck me in the ass and unleash a downpour of such magnitude that it came crashing through my ceiling, much akin to the Kool Aid guy. So the next few days meant I was resigned to screaming down the phone at my property manager trying to get them to send someone out to fix my shitty roof. So when I suddenly realised that today was Friday and I hadn't written anything, I immediately grabbed my laptop to whip up a post! Alas, not a single topic came to mind. But then, like a shining beacon of light, I flicked on my television set and what should be on?! Well, you've probably already guessed given the title of this post but I shall dramatically reveal it anyway!

Ferris Beuller's Day Off

Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986) Poster
I always think he's wearing a leopard print cardigan and get
really sad when I realise that that is not the case.
I'm sure we've all see Ferris Bueller's Day Off, but if not, the plot is pretty simple. A high school slacker is determined to have a day off from school, despite of what the principal thinks. There, a guy takes the day off school. Packed full of 80's goodness, Ferris Beuller's Day Off is perfect for any occasion. Personally, I think it's great when you're sick and off school or work, somewhat ironically.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off film Cameron phone gif
Unlike Mean Girls 2, FBDO has many quotable lines.
Ferris Bueller's Day Off film Cameron painting gif
So imagery, much metaphor.

Wednesday, 4 June 2014

Medicine In Film: Wit

Wit film 2001 poster

Hi guys! Sorry for the week-long hiatus, I've been a little bit busy with failing my exams (yay). Ready for another cheery film about people dying in nasty ways? No? Well tough shit, cause that's what you're getting. The last film of this series is Wit, an film adaptation of the Pulitzer Prize-winning play of the same name starring Emma Thompson as a poetry professor who has been diagnosed with stage IV ovarian cancer. For those of you not in the know, ovarian cancer ain't pretty; stage IV ovarian cancer, in particular, is about as much fun as attempting to swallow live piranhas while on a broken rollercoaster, blindfolded. And the blindfold is snakes. Angry snakes.

angry snake
They're angry because you're eating their piranhas.
This movie is a little unlike our previous two in that it's less based around healthcare and actually has medicine and, as we like to call it, the "patient experience" in mind as the key focus of the film. That sounds nice though, doesn't it? Patient experience. In this case, no, no it's not.

Wit film 2001 pelvic exam scene screenshot
"Ok, and I'm just going to start inserting the piranhas now..."