The List

As you might have noticed, it is now the fine year of 2015, and lo and behold I failed miserably in my efforts to watch a mere 50 pre-selected audio-visual treats. For shame. As a punishment for my inability to complete a simple task, and to rub it in for as long as possible, I will attempt to finish off the movies that I didn't see over the new year. If I still don't manage it, one lucky reader will be chosen to flay me alive with a flaming whip. Happy New Year!

50 Movies to See in 2014

New to TPPC (acronyms FTW) in the fine year of 2014, I bring you an extensive list of 50 movies, old and new, that I aim to watch, judge and quote mercilessly. Note that these aren't all going to be films that I'll review, just ones that I've assumed the responsibility for watching, either out of interest or as a result of recommendations from the few people I trust when it comes to recognising good cinema when it slaps them in the face. Without further ado, here are 50 films (with 50 presumptuous one sentence descriptions as learned from the poster) that I'll be watching in 2014:

1. Sharknado

Year: 2013

IMDb Rating: 3.3

In a Sentence: Freak weather causes a fairground to get sucked into a sinkhole, creating... SHARKNAD-wait, no.

2. The Wind That Shakes The Barley

Year: 2006

IMDb Rating: 7.5

In a Sentence: The guy from 28 Days Later becomes a farmer, taking up grouse hunting and/or war, possibly against sentient grouse.

After Seeing It: Ken Loach's depressing and totally not one-sided look at the Irish battle for independence reminds me how shitty Scotland is at everything.

3. The Good Shepherd

Year: 2006

IMDb Rating: 6.7

In a Sentence: Matt Damon works at the CIA and attempts to look as much like Robert DeNiro as possible.

4. Confessions

Year: 2010

IMDb Rating: 7.8

In a Sentence: A woman with very odd star-shaped acne scarring gets revenge.

After Seeing It: A barely coherent jumble of unpleasantness presented with beautifully weird cinematography and stellar child acting.

5. 12 Angry Men

Year: 1957

IMDb Rating: 8.9

In a Sentence: Twelve disgruntled gentlemen take stabby revenge against a font designer (considered superior to the controversial sequel, 12 Angry Men 2: The Baker's Dozen).

After Seeing It: A rightful ruler in the list of top ten best films of all time.

6. Sunset Blvd.

Year: 1950

IMDb Rating: 8.6

In a Sentence: A red-haired woman wears a particularly uncomfortable novelty bow tie made out of used film reel while members of the bourgeois fashion community look on in horror.

7. Inland Empire

Year: 2006

IMDb Rating: 6.9

In a Sentence: It's a David Lynch movie so I'll guess it's of someone screaming at you for six hours whilst stirring a bowl of earwax with their heel.

8. As Good As It Gets

Year: 1997

IMDb Rating: 7.7

In a Sentence: Jack Nicholson laughs in the face of God as he gives passers-by directions using his exceptionally pointy widow's peaks.

After Seeing It: A sweet, funny, character-driven look through the lives of a bunch of crazy people.

9. Man of Steel

Year: 2013

IMDb Rating: 7.4

In a Sentence: Zack Snyder ruins another superhero franchise with so much Zack Snyderness that everything breaks, ever.

After Seeing It: Boring, dull, annoying and full of too much wanton destruction.

10. Parkland

Year: 2013

IMDb Rating: 6.2

In a Sentence: A supposedly scathing yet still actually painfully patriotic account of the assassination of some president; can't remember his name.

After Seeing It: Boy was I off. This is a surprisingly intense account of the people surrounding JFK's head-splosion that you wouldn't usually consider. Unnecessary patriotism still present though.

11. The Philadelphia Story

Year: 1940

IMDb Rating: 8.1

In a Sentence: Cary Grant accidentally gets his face fused to Katherine Hepburn's, hilarity ensues.

12. La Dolche Vita

Year: 1960

IMDb Rating: 8.1

In a Sentence: Lots of women, a little bit of dancing, heaps of mournfully staring into the middle distance, and people wearing knight's helmets.

13. Gayniggers From Outer Space

Year: 1992

IMDb Rating: 6.3

In a Sentence: I...I just...maybe gay black people saving the planet from a weird Krull glaive thing or...I don't know, bestowing upon us lots of gayness?

14. To Catch a Thief

Year: 1955

IMDb Rating: 7.5

In a Sentence: Cary Grant makes friends with a woman with a chimney sweep fetish.

15. Leprechaun

Year: 1993

IMDb Rating: 4.5

In a Sentence: What happened to the remains of the R-rated Friends St. Patrick's Day special.

16. White Heat

Year: 1949

IMDb Rating: 8.2

In a Sentence: A man called Jimmy with a very rare skin pigmentation disorder smashes lots of things with his big pink fist (sounds a little dirtier than I intended...).

17. American Mary

Year: 2012

IMDb Rating: 6.2

In a Sentence: A plastic surgeon/stripper takes up murder because reasons; she's hot, she can do what she likes.

After Seeing It: The most satisfying rape revenge movie since I Spit on Your Grave met The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo; and there's also a Betty Boop look-alike.

18. From Up On Poppy Hill

Year: 2011

IMDb Rating: 7.3

In a Sentence: A Japanese schoolboy has an adorable relationship with a schoolgirl and lots of cute things happen on bicycles.

After Seeing It: Once again, Studio Ghibli manages to make a B-line straight for my feels.

19. Good Will Hunting

Year: 1997

IMDb Rating: 8.2

In a Sentence: Matt Damon smiles uncomfortably as he and his sepia-toned world are slowly absorbed into Robin Williams' facial hair.

After Seeing It: A sweet Oscar-bait movie about Matt Damon being a cocky maths genius janitor and Ben Affleck wearing sports coats.

20. Into The Wild

Year: 2007

IMDb Rating: 8.2

In a Sentence: A bit like the book but skewed out of proportion by Sean Penn's sticky fingers.

21. The Night of the Hunter

Year: 1955

IMDb Rating: 8.1

In a Sentence: A well dressed serial killer is hindered in his work by a seductively attractive double amputee who brings her severed feel with her wherever she goes.

22. Barry Lyndon

Year: 1975

IMDb Rating: 8.1

In a Sentence: In a Victorian society where humans have been enslaved by roses, one man, Barry, uses his trusty pistol and knee-high boots to settle the score...

23. Russian Ark

Year: 2002

IMDb Rating: 7.3

In a Sentence: Through the eyes of a recently drugged person, we watch a load of hippies dance around an art gallery for an hour and a half.

After Seeing It: A mesmerising, if rather sluggishly paced slice of history if it were watched through someone's dreams, Inception-style.

24. Ip Man

Year: 2008

IMDb Rating: 8.1

In a Sentence: A martial arts film based on the true story of a man who learned to harness the deadly power of the hiccough.

25. Jean de Florette

Year: 1986

IMDb Rating: 8.1

In a Sentence: A group of French farmers with lockjaw compare the size of each others noses while the women do all of the work.

After Seeing It: I cry. I cry so much. Oh god, so many tears.

26. Insidious Chapter 2

Year: 2013

IMDb Rating: 6.7

In a Sentence: Insidious, but with a two in the title, and the word chapter to make it sound fancy and hopefully establish a franchise and make all of the money.

27. House on Haunted Hill

Year: 1959

IMDb Rating: 6.9

In a Sentence: Vincent Price in the greatest looking haunted house movie ever made.

28. Big Trouble in Little China

Year: 1986

IMDb Rating: 7.3

In a Sentence: The prequel to Escape From New York where the happy-go-lucky Snake "Charmer" Plissken goes on a crazy adventure through Little China in search of someone who can help him un-tuck his vest from his jeans.

After Seeing It: Maybe a little dull at times but ridiculous, over the top and full of Kurt Russell enough to still be great.

29. Mr. Smith Goes To Washington

Year: 1939

IMDb Rating: 8.4

In a Sentence: So much patriotism it hurts.

30. The Beast Must Die

Year: 1974

IMDb Rating: 5.7

In a Sentence: A whodunnit movie where the murderer is a werewolf and there's a really cheesy timer near the end for you to guess who it is.

After Seeing It: Everything I expected, but with so much more seventies; I nearly died when a black guy ran around in nothing but a leather jacket while cheesy music played in the background. Absolute Stinking Bishop levels of glorious cheese.

31. The Thomas Crown Affair

Year: 1968

IMDb Rating: 7.0

In a Sentence: A crime caper before the time when crime capers were cool and everyone looks really serious and Steve McQueen totally gets the motorbike over the fence this time.

32. The Postman

Year: 1997

IMDb Rating: 5.8

In a Sentence: One man fights his way through a post-apocalyptic America to keep the glory of the US postal system alive.

33. Some Kind of Wonderful

Year: 1987

IMDb Rating: 7.0

In a Sentence: Left guy likes middle girl, right girl likes left guy but he doesn't realise and then he ends up with middle girl even though she's a bitch and THIS IS DUCKY ALL OVER AGAIN; John Hughes, you are a bastard.

After Seeing It: John Hughes, you are beautiful. Finally you make a movie that ends correctly, and I love it.

34. Prince of Darkness

Year: 1987

IMDb Rating: 6.7

In a Sentence: Stretch Armstrong accidentally awakens an ancient evil and becomes a giant, building-sized stretchy head full of cockroaches.

35. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

Year: 1998

IMDb Rating: 7.7

In a Sentence: Apparently the movie that Johnny Depp never sobered up from.

After Seeing It: Definitely the movie that Johnny Depp never sobered up from. Brazil is still Terry Gilliam's best movie.

36. Troll

Year: 1986

IMDb Rating: 4.1

In a Sentence: Crappy genre horror at its absolute best.

After Seeing It: Not unwatchably terrible, but just plain dull. Sigh.

37. Troll 2

Year: 1990

IMDb Rating: 2.5

In a Sentence: Crappy genre horror at its absolute worst; which makes it even better.

After Seeing It: "They're eating her! And then they're going to eat me! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I got half way through.

38. The Craft

Year: 1996

IMDb Rating: 6.1

In a Sentence: Hello nineties, I've missed you.

39. Manos: The Hands of Fate

Year: 1966

IMDb Rating: 1.9

In a Sentence: Finally an answer to the question "How exactly do you deface someone with a burning hand?".

After Seeing It: Oh, I see. I think I need to wash my eyes out with anything mildly alkaline...

40. Birdemic 2: The Resurrection

Year: 2013

IMDb Rating: 2.3

In a Sentence: The most sincerely awful movie of all time just went meta; which almost guarantees that it'll be worse than the first, and in absolutely no good way.

41. Glengarry Glen Ross

Year: 1992

IMDb Rating: 7.9

In a Sentence: A man with the single worst commute in history faces a typical day at work.

After Seeing It: A group of men in suits spend an hour and forty minutes moaning and seeing who can shout "Fuck" the loudest. Real cinematic genius.

42. Eyes Wide Shut

Year: 1999

IMDb Rating: 7.2

In a Sentence: Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman join a Scientology sex club where you insert eyeballs into each other's orifices.

43. Thor: The Dark World

Year: 2013

IMDb Rating: 7.6

In a Sentence: The first Thor movie, but with more...Thorring?

After Seeing It: One word: shmeh.

44. Star Trek Into Darkness

Year: 2013

IMDb Rating: 7.9

In a Sentence: Shoddy workmanship leads to an excess of gaping holes on Earth's buildings from which ominous villains can stand dramatically.

After Seeing It: A lazy "terrorist thriller" plot in a Star Trek outfit made barely palatable by plenty of explosions and Benedict Cumberbatch's woefully miscast but still beautiful cheekbones.

45. Pink Flamingos

Year: 1972

IMDb Rating: 6.0

In a Sentence: Divine is Divine for a whole film, and you just have to sit back and watch *cackle*.

46. In The Realm of the Senses

Year: 1976

IMDb Rating: 6.6

In a Sentence: Finally, uncensored Japanese porn!

47. Videodrome

Year: 1983

IMDb Rating: 7.3

In a Sentence: A woman develops a television made entirely out of raspberry gummi bear goop, but people keep punching them with guns for some reason.

After Seeing It: A David Cronenberg that is as weird, oddly politically motivated and characteristically body-horror-ish as ever.

48. Dancer in the Dark

Year: 2000

IMDb Rating: 8.0

In a Sentence: Bjork is a blind person who sings and dances and be's depressing lots.

49. Strangers on a Train

Year: 1951

IMDb Rating: 8.1

In a Sentence: Two people who don't know each other intimately meet by chance on a train and suspense happens.

50. L'Age D'Or

Year: 1930

IMDb Rating: 7.6

In a Sentence: Luis Bunuel makes a completely incomprehensible film about two borrowers or normal sized people who fall in love and are looked after by either a giant or a normal sized person.

Number Completed: 21

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