The Best Laid Plans of Flats and Men

Well I'll be. Nine months and 49 posts later and I'm still here. That's more commitment than I'm used to; most of the stuff I do doesn't usually last much longer than the amount of time it takes for me to run out of wine.

Twelve minutes. Thirteen if it's particularly vinegary.

To celebrate the milestone of my 50th post, I thought I'd finally let all of you see how my lovely flat (as featured in these past three instalments) has turned out after many months of buying useless shit and cramming it in. I'm sad to say that the kitchen is a lost cause having not really changed much at all, apart from becoming a permanently sticky mess:

Apparently there's a counter under all this.

However the other two places, the living room and bedroom, have come along very nicely indeed. The living room now looks like this. Let's play a game of "Spot the Pop Culture Reference":

Stan the skeleton recently discovered his sexuality.

Cross-dressing skeleton and giant inflatable penises on the windowsill non-withstanding, this is a geek's paradise; if I don't say so myself. Those movie posters that I promised are up, looking shnazzy as hell in some lovely Ikea frames, and the TV cabinet is bursting with a veritable array of video gaming machines. Yippee! Did you see the Alien egg plush too? Or the Tetris lamp? They're all there. And all awesome.

Then there's the single most studenty-looking shelf in recorded history.

Complete with origami stegosaurus and a severed thumb.

This thing could be a bloody art installation. Notable items that are easy to come by and are a worthy addition to any geek's collection include: the superb Portal companion cube cookie jar, the Legend of Zelda Hyrule Historia, the latest copy of 1001 Movies to See Before You Die (mine is a good five years old now so it's missing more recent updates), a copy of the gloriously addictive and friendicidal Munchkin (Deluxe edition comes with a game board and cute Munchkin figures) and of course an inflatable banana for all those times when your life has been devoid of over-sized plastic fruit full of air.

Usually the only thing full of air at our picnics was dad after one too many scotch eggs.

Just so I can make you all super jealous, I'd like to point out that camera on the top shelf there. It's a Sony CCD-v5000 Hi8 Pro camcorder from the late 90's. In working order it's worth a pretty penny to camera enthusiasts. This one sadly isn't as of yet (there's a problem with the battery connection methinks) but for five quid from the local recycling centre what do you expect. Soon though, soon. By the gods I shall make this camera work some day.

Also, further jealousy. That A Song of Ice and Fire collection cost me a mere £14 from a charity shop. Amazon sells it for £45. Aw yiss, mutha fuckin' charity shopping. Speaking of segues, you might have noticed the second book missing; I think it might be in the bedroom...

On the bedside table above the suspiciously placed roll of toilet roll...

The bedroom is looking great too. You might remember that I had decided to go for an industrial theme. That didn't quite work out, although my choice of poster is still technically industrial themed, albeit a little more adorable than the original idea of a morbidly depressing photo of Pripyat:

Unless you imagine these are actually the corpses of slain Lego men posed by some twisted 8-year-old.

The result seems to be more of an homage to the olden days of black and white cinema and early 20th century-ness than failed Soviet industrialism, with a fabby painted wood clapperboard (from Debenhams of all places) on the shelf above the cupboard and an old Big Band album pinned (carefully) to the wall. Plus my beloved Kirby doll that I got from the Nintendo World Store in Manhattan many moons ago. On the other side of the room we've got this:

Ok, so the two solitary bananas and a teapot that looks like a Christmas pudding don't exactly fit the theme, but come on; it's a Christmas pudding, and a teapot! The clock, however, suits perfectly. Made by my wonderful brother out of fibreglass, it's the moon from George Méliès' A Trip to the Moon. Best Christmas present ever. Oh, and what's that on the chest of drawers there...?

Well hello there, Captain.

My very own, totally-not-photoshopped, signed photo of Nathan Fillion. He is my muse. And the last point of interest is the pinboard, filled to the brim with shit that I've collected over the years.

Existential pinboard.

And that, ladies and gents, is my flat; finally finished. Just in time for me moving out in June to go back to crappy student accommodation. The landlord has gone bankrupt so the flat is being sold to pay off his debts. Bloody property owners.

In other news: Rhona, whom you might remember from our recent Academy Awards collaboration (or the picture on the bottom right of the pinboard), has kindly offered to join me in writing for this blog as of next week and all through the month of April in order to take some of the weight off my back for my exams. This will also be a kind of intern-ship programme for her, at the end of which she might decide to stay on as a co-author. That means that very soon, my dear readers, there may be more amazing things to read even more regularly. Hooray!

"Oh, silly us; we can't read. Better get back to bearing children..."

And lastly, something personal. This week marked the one year anniversary of the beginning of my relationship with a lovely young lady. In the short amount of time that I've happened to know her, she's been a huge influence on my life and, despite my best efforts, she's even managed to force me to grow and develop as a human being. I can't thank her enough for being as awesome and sexy as she is, but I can humiliate her by writing about it on my blog. Serves her right for only giving me Ghostbusters pants and a love letter; I got her the feckin' USS Enterprise! 

You're the best, Fiona.

Sappy pinboard.