Pretty much everything I know about Russian history boils down to three things: Stalin was a murderous bastard, Peter the Great was an epicly drunk murderous bastard who trained bears pull carts and serve vodka, and Vladimir Putin gave a new meaning to the phrase "massive, purulent cunt that squirts angry bees infected with AIDs". It's not a very oft-used term.
|He does regain points by being the most homo-erotically charged Bond villain since Raoul Silva.|
Russian Ark follows, through the eyes of a nameless narrator (a dead museum curator) voiced by the director, the 19th Century French travel writer, the Marquis de Custine, as he and the narrator wander through the Winter Palace in St. Petersburg, witnessing various moments in the building's and Russia's history. Narrative-wise, it doesn't get much deeper than that; two guys wander around a museum and watch shit happening, and seeing as it's all shot in first person, you end up becoming very familiar with the back of the Marquis' head.
|That cannot be a very comfortable way to fold your arms.|
|MEET H0T RU$$IAN T33NS IN YOURE @RE@!! CL1CK NOW|
|She's making plane noises with her mouth.|
|"Ah yes, this is very fine mush."|
|The whole orchestra is done by a foley artist with a kazoo.|
Overall Ben Equivalence Rating
Walking Around A Museum With A Go-Pro -
It'll only not piss everyone else off if you dress up and close the whole place for a night.