Monday, 25 January 2016

I Bought A SNES: How To Handle Stress Expensively

There is a perfectly good reason why I haven't been posting much this month. That reason is exams. Dear god. Exams.

They're like a really boring Saw trap that you volunteer to do.
I handle exams very poorly at the best of times (usually with the crying and the binge eating), but this year's lot are different to my usual medical school fare what with me studying an inter-collated degree (a fancy name for cheating a second diploma out of one more year of work). Poof goes the multiple choice questions and here comes the essay train, derailing itself into your skull at 120 words a minute. As such, I upped my exam stressing game with daily frivolous purchases. On the lead up to the exam week, these included a couple of Professor Layton games. Then the rest of them.
Professor Layton is a gateway drug.
Two days before Exam 0, I was starting to feel the burn. Cold sweats, coughing up blood... Wait, no, that's TB. Cold sweats, wishing I had TB... So, seeing as I'd recently got New Super Mario Bros. earlier the week before and one of my Wii controllers was gubbed to fuckery, I hopped back on eBay to buy some cheap Chinese knock-offs. No news as to whether they actually work yet.

I have not learned from that time I bought Gamecube controllers that only let you turn left.
I completed Ocarina of Time with those bastards.
So, naturally, on exam day, after 4 hours of god-awful essay questions and writing that made worse use of the Oxford comma and unnecessary conjunctions than this very sentence, I needed more things. So I bought a SNES.

Quite a lot of SNES.
The lady I bought it off on eBay was lovely, and every game even came packed individually in bubblewrap like dozens of poppy Christmas presents! Also, if you read my recent post on MyRetroGameBox, you know how much of a sucker I am when it comes to the adorable quirks of second hand games. The box for (one of my two copies of) Mario Kart has evidently been subjected to the beautifully simplistic humour of a 7 year old.
Princess Peach has been subbed out for Frida Kahlo.
All in all it seems like studying is a very expensive pastime; I would not recommend it. Although the residual effects are pretty sweet. Actual articles will occur as of next week, my little snookums. <3

Tuesday, 19 January 2016

Listen to more Podcasts

2016 is going to be the year of podcasts, for me anyway. I started to get into them around the end of last year when I caved and finally listened to the much talked about Serial (which I'll talk about in more depth later). My biggest issue with podcasts was mainly "where am I going to find the time to listen to them/what am I going to do whilst listening to them?" because I can't just sit in a chair staring at the wall whilst listening to them, I needed to be doing something that I could just slip into autopilot for. I couldn't exactly listen to them whilst reading or writing or anything to that effect, so I started listening during the, for a lack of better words, obvious times. Like when I'm on the bus going to work or university, or walking to the shops. Then I started listening when I was cooking dinner, which I when I noticed a change in my behaviour.

The more invested I got in whatever podcast I was listening to, the more I wanted to listen to them, obviously. So I started cooking more complex meals that would take longer to prepare so I could listen to a podcast, or I'd deep clean the flat (which is kind of difficult considering my new flat is never messy, what a strange complaint), or I'd walk somewhere rather than taking the bus. Basically, podcasts make you skinny and productive. Who knew? Well, I say productive, they're also a fabulous means of procrastination.

So I thought I'd share with you a collection of my favourite podcasts, and hopefully you'll enjoy them! These podcasts are all free to listen to, so you can be broke yet entertained.

Serial
.
Serial is a non-fiction podcast hosted by Sarah Koenig, whose voice is like a silky flowing river of chocolate. It had its début in October of 2014, with the first season investigating the 1999 murder of Hae Min Lee, an eighteen year old high school student. Lee's ex-boyfriend, Adnan Masud Syed, was arrested and charged with first degree murder. But, did he do it? Well, that's what Serial tries to find out. Interviewing the people involved, going over case files, taped recordings of police interrogations, trying to replicate various scenarios to test their credibility etc. Serial is a masterclass in storytelling, and was credited as "an audio game changer" after winning a Peabody award in 2015.
Season two has just begun as well, with, at this point, four episodes released so far, telling the story of Bowe Bergdahl, an American solider held hostage by the Taliban for five years, who was then arrested for desertion following his rescue. 
Serial is engaging, it's clever, it's sometimes difficult to listen to and it's something that you can't afford to miss; and the music is absolutely fab. 
It's available to listen to:
On its website.
On iTunes.
On Soundcloud.

Criminal
.
Criminal is similar to Serial, but instead of a whole season focusing on a single story, each of the episodes are stand alone stories. Hosted by Phoebe Judge, Criminal is a show about, well, you guessed it: crime. It ranges from people who have done wrong, been wronged, or have been caught somewhere in the grey moral area. Over the course of their show, they have had many characters. There’s the man tasked with trying to break up a Venus flytrap crime ring, a journalist who befriended a female serial killer, a mother-daughter coroner team and another man whose Good Samaritan turned out to be a blackmailer. It's like a bite-sized Serial, with half hour episodes instead of hour long episodes, and it's stand-alone structure. But despite my continuous comparisons to Serial, Criminal is a show in its own right, and equally brilliant in it's own way.
Criminal is available to listen to:
On its website.
On iTunes.
On Soundcloud.

This American Life
.
This American Life  is a weekly, hour long radio show hosted by Ira Glass. Each week they tackle a different theme or topic, such as regrets, changes in status, propaganda etc. and is usually presented in a three act format. Primarily, it functions as a journalistic non-fiction program, but it also features essays, memoirs, field recordings, short fiction, and found footage. The first episode aired in 1995, so the archive of episodes is absolutely huge, so I'm not going to pretend to have listened to them all. It's an incredibly intelligent, insightful, sometimes emotional, often funny and definitely a great listen.
It's available to listen to:
On its website. 
On iTunes.
On Soundcloud.

Limetown
.
The first fiction podcast on this list, Limetown is a six episode podcast about an experimental town called Limetown, whose inhabitants all disappeared overnight. Journalist Lia Haddock investigates this event, with harrowing results. I don't want to go into too much depth on this one, for the sake of spoilers and such. Some of the voice acting can be a little clunky, but for the most part it's incredible, especially a particularly horrifying 911 call, which just really gets to me for some reason. The story is really well put together and really entertaining.
It's available to listen to:
On its website.
On iTunes.
On Soundcloud.

Not Too Deep
.
Not too Deep  is a part audio, part visual podcast hosted by youtube personality Grace Helbig. These past few podcasts that I've recommend, however brilliant they may be, might be a bit heavy to listen to every single day. Not too Deep provides that refreshing break of undiluted silliness, with questions like "who would you most like to throw cold spaghetti at?" and "worst pants shitting story in three words". All of her guests are youtubers, however it isn't exactly necessary for you to be a fan of the people she interviews in order to enjoy it - a lot of the people she interviews I haven't heard of, or don't watch on youtube, but it makes for enjoyable listening nonetheless, because what they talk about is usually so nonsensical, it has nothing really to do with their career on youtube, so don't be put off by that. Like I said earlier, it's part visual as well, as Helbig and her guests film a challenge video (usually making fun of whatever popular challenge video is making the youtube rounds) before recording the audio part. It's funny, self aware and very charming.
It's available on:
On its website.
On iTunes.
On Soundcloud.
On Youtube

Ear Biscuits
.
Following down the youtube path, Ear Biscuits is a (purely audio) show from youtube duo Rhett and Link. I don't actually watch Rhett and Link on youtube, but I've found their podcast to be a really interesting listen, and them to be really great interviewers. All of their guests are youtubers as well, but that's where the similarities with Not too Deep end, as Rhett and Link, well, they're wanting to get deep. So that means that maybe you do need to be familiar with their guests before listening, unless you just like listening to people talk about their lives. But as a fan of a lot of the youtube personalities that they've interviewed, like Grace Helbig, Hannah Hart, Mamrie Hart, Natalie Tran etc. this podcast has proven to be really insightful about the stuff that they may not necessarily share online.
It's available to listen to:
On Soundcloud.
On iTunes.

Right, and that's all from me today! Hopefully at least one of these podcasts tickles your fancy. Happy listening!

Thursday, 7 January 2016

Everything, Adequately #4 - Widescreen


I use a lot of brown in my drawings... I guess it harks back to my childhood when I would refuse to draw anything but muddy puddles. True story.

Also, I think "Space Sand" makes for a lovely, succinct description of Dune.

Wednesday, 16 December 2015

Last Minute Christmas Ideas: A Pet Rock

'Tis the season to be lazy. Fa la, etc. I'm afraid I'm going to be fobbing off on a real post this week, so I thought it only appropriate to help you, yes you, dear reader, fob off on your gift giving this year. Why buy someone something nice and useful when you could make them something they'd never possibly want instead? As such, I give you...a pet rock!

The gift tag says "Help, I'm trapped inside a tiny purple bag!"
OK, so I promise it's not the massive skive of a gift that I alluded to it being. I gave this to a friend of mine as a wee jokey present and made a little guide to looking after their new pet rock, so a good couple of hours of MS Paint went into this; that's plenty effort. This post, however, not so much. If you'd like to make your own pet rock, all you need is:

- A rock
- Some googly eyes
- Glue (strong stuff)
- Paper
- A printer, preferably with ink in it

Step one, you could probably work out yourself. Glue the googly eyes onto the rock. No shit. This is the worst crafting post ever; does it even deserve that difficulty rating? Eh, why not.

Difficulty - 0 (10 if you are also a rock)
Duration - Infinite (you never stop looking after a pet rock)

"I will outlive you."
Googly eyes on? Good. Now print out my little booklet. See? I've done all the work for you. Really it's you who is the slacker. For shame. FOR SHAME

I've shown the pages below individually, but the best way to print them is obviously paired like their pages would be so you can staple it together. Oh yeah, you need a stapler.

- Stapler


It's darned annoying that Blogger doesn't let you show separate images side by side, so I'm afraid you're going to have to exercise your scrolling finger. Other than this, I can't really think of anything else to tell you... Well, I guess, you know, have a nice Christmas and all that.


Love you.

































[This space has been intentionally left blank]

















































[So has this one]























[Redacted]


























[Redaction has been redacted; original text follows:]

Scientists have narrowed Emma Stone's appeal down to either her cartoonishly huge eyeballs or her "husky 60-year old with throat cancer" voice.






















Rocks don't sleep. They wait.






















Other illnesses cut from the final edit:
- Limestone Disease
- Acid Rain
- Tectonic Eruption
- Earthquake
- Psybeam

Ah shit, I got into naming Pokemon moves again.

















































Pulitzer Prize-winning stuff, this.

Wednesday, 9 December 2015

My Retro Game Box: Worth The Wait?

The box itself is not quite as retro.
Important Note (10/03/16): I recently checked up on the MyRetroGameBox website to see how things were going, and sadly, as of the beginning of the year, the company has closed down. The front page now contains a very heart-felt and emotional message from the owner, who sounds close to broken with regret and disappointment due to their misfortune. I would just like to say now, before you continue reading this review, that although I provide plenty of criticism of the service, My Retro Game Box has stayed in the back of my head since I subscribed to it. It was one of the purest and best subscription services out there, forgoing all of the useless crap that fills most of these other things for a little bundle of lovingly picked joy, and I'll always be thankful that I got to support that in some way or another. Ok, carry on.

Over the past few years I've been diving more and more into the dangerously addictive (and costly) world of retro video game collecting. My collection is still small and limited only to early Nintendo and PlayStation efforts but it is ever so gradually growing into a respectable little pile of gaming history, and I hope for that trend to continue in earnest. Eventually, by the time I retire, I'll have accumulated enough gaming goodness to last me until death.

And beyond...
As my unquenchable desire for aged digital comestibles continued to swallow my bank account, I stumbled across a curious site called myretrogamebox.com. The cut of it's jib? To provide a monthly subscription service akin to the likes of Loot Crate, but giving you a hand-tailored selection of old video games for you to keep rather than a box full of mass-produced tat that'll inevitably end up at the bottom of a drawer. I was sold; I love the idea of a subscription service that a) gives you things that you genuinely want rather than an endless stream of keyrings and shitty nerd fusion t-shirts, and b) curates every box to suit the personal desires of the particular subscriber. Don't want N64 games or anything R-rated? Done. You won't get them. It's a brilliant idea and one that works surprisingly well too.

Before I start, I will point out that this is not a promoted post. My Retro Game Box have not approached me to do this, nor the other way round; in fact, they're such a small company that they balk at the idea of extra publicity. I simply found this service, used it, and am now relaying my experience back to you lovely folk seeing as there was a distinct lack of information for me when I was researching it. I'm not trying to sell this to you but merely letting you know what the deal is and what you could expect for yourself. So, that said, let's start with the important bit.

The Box

Game boxes cost either £10, £20, or £50 (plus postage) with 1-2, 3-5 and ~10 games sent in each box respectively. I went for the mid range twenty quid box and got three games in each of my two boxes. Before we get to what was in them, let's look at the presentation of the package:

I learned not to put my address online after that last incident with a 6 ton crate full of fly swatters.
I'll be honest, that's underwhelming. No, I wasn't expecting fancy custom boxes and such, but both packages were wrapped differently with what looked like spare boxes. Kudos on recycling old packaging, but it does tarnish the first impression a smidgen. Like, a nanosmidge. Really, books and covers and whatnot, it's not that big a deal in the long run. My games were safe and dry and that's what matters.

Speaking of games, the first box contained Way of the Samurai, Bust-a-Move 2 and MicroMachines, and the second arrived with Croc, Jersey Devil, and that weird Mario and Yoshi GameBoy game. I'm happy to say that on a whole I'm thoroughly chuffed with my haul; some absolute classics plus an obscure gem. Also fucking Mario and Yoshi, but watcha gonna do, eh?

Pretty games...
From a cursory Google, the games probably hit just over the £40 line if you bought them all separately, so I can happily say that this does look to be value for money. However, seeing as you're receiving a personalised service sending you games curated to your particular needs, I'd say any extra you're paying if the games were cheaper is going to a good place.

How about quality then? Again, the site states quite clearly that this is not a service for collectors, there's no "Only games mint in the original box" button to click; you get what you're given and you'll like it because omg guys, you're being sent old computer games in the mail, what more could you want? I am, however, extremely impressed with the condition of my games. Lookie:

I haven't had cases this clean when I've bought games new.
The manuals for Croc and Jersey Devil were a particular delight, with nary a frayed edge on them. These are in better condition than some of my PS3 games. Then there was the adorable damage to MicroMachines.

"Heh. It says Nintendo on it. That's not a real word."
Someone has written "Dad's" down the side of it. I don't know why but I find that infinitely adorable; I have an image of this late 90's dad who comes in from work, sticks on this game and plays it with his 3 kids. This is one of those things that's great about buying second hand: there's a little story to everything you have that you'll never learn about. It's lovely.

Ok, so far, so good. The games were good, the box affordable and good value. Here comes the less so good bit.

Delivery


I paid for my first box on the 17th of September. The website suggest delivery will happen within 2-3 weeks. Cool beans. 3 weeks come and go, still nothing. So I drop them a message to see what's going on and I receive and automated email reply telling me that they're still working on earlier boxes. Hmmm... I'll be honest, I did not feel like my customerness was serviced particularly well at this point. I wait another week. The payment goes out for my second box on the 10th October (there was a disparity in the days because their system was updated and I had to resubscribe), and yet I still have no news of my first order.

Me, waiting.
Finally, on the 15th of October, I am told that my package has been dispatched. Not by an email confirmation, mind you, but through the very odd My Retro Game Box website; we shall get to that in a moment. That's 28 days from order to dispatch; Cillian Murphy can accidentally survive the apocalypse in that time! The delivery is so delayed that you're essentially paying one month ahead for your boxes, with last month's arriving as you pay for the next. 

The second box was dispatched on 10th November, exactly a month after payment, so this doesn't appear to be a one-off thing. I think the issue is very simply the size of the company compared to the scale of their customer base. There are a lot of people who would like this service, but simply not enough on their end to fulfil that demand; it's really sad, because it essentially boils down to what should be an amazing, unique service being marred by the fact that it's too amazing and unique. They can't cope with the giant can of geek-flavoured worms that they've opened.

The Website



The main stuff has been covered, but I thought I'd give special attention to the My Retro Game Box website. It is mental. Please, hire a web designer as soon as you can.

Kindly ignore my tabs and the open game of FTL...
That's the Member's Page. Scroll down and you'd see text boxes where you put in all of the games/consoles you own (even the types of games you'd prefer/dislike; it's quite a genius idea), as well as personal details and the like. Sadly, as you can see, it's ugly as fuck. I'd say only sign up if you're comfortable with navigating numerous error pages and unnecessary forms.

This guy turns up with alarming regularity.
I mentioned earlier something about delivery notifications. For some unknown reason, you don't receive an email when your box has been dispatched, instead you have to log in, scroll to the bottom on the Member's Page, and check to see if the latest dispatch date has changed. It's an unnecessary faff on top of a number of other minor annoyances.

All in all, myretrogamebox.com is fab. You get exactly what you expect for a brilliant price. Why pay for 30 quid's worth of tat when you can get some great condition retro games to add to your collection instead? It's a splendid service only hindered by it's size and some qualities which really remind you that this is a small business, notably site design, delivery times and customer service. As such, I'd recommend that you only opt to subscribe to My Retro Game Box if you really think it's for you; let's not drown these folks in any more work than they already have.

Wednesday, 11 November 2015

How to Build a Computer

I got all this stuff just to play with the boxes.
Oh hai there!

"Hai" - You
It was my birthday this week; my 21st to be exact. What with it being a big deal and all I was asked what sort of big deal present I wanted. My totally reasonable and attainable answer: I asked for HAL-9000. I mean, that's not that bad. I did cut it down from demanding Deep Thought and golden goose eggs.

"We're afraid we can't let you have that." - My Parents
By HAL-9000, I meant I wanted a super awesome PC to play reeeeally pretty screensavers on when it's not running Netflix. Also I wanted it to look like HAL. Now, I have absolutely no experience or knowledge in computer building other than the fact that it definitely requires at least two RAM, so the job was handed to my kind, benevolent brother to handle. Now, ah yes, it says here that, as a sibling, I am contractually obliged to state that he is indeed a smelly poo face who looks like a really sad badger; but he is actually quite good at computers, so he gains one point for that.
Brother: 1, Malodorous Melancholy Caniform-Likeness: 592
This brings us to the first, very important rule of building your own computer:

Rule Number 1 - Get Someone Else to Do It

You'd think that building a PC would have reached jigsaw levels of simplicity by now, with everything fitting nicely together and working in perfect harmony like all the animals in a Disney forest. No. To put it simpler: N. Every plug is different, every make and model works with some and doesn't work with other different makes and models, it's all very complicated and I swear the companies that make this stuff enjoy watching poor sods like me suffer by numbering all of their products in completely illogical ways. Say last year, Big Computers Inc. releases a new graphocapacimory card or whatever; they call it the XT449-alpha. That's confusing enough, why not just name it Bill? But then what they do is, the next year, they'll call the new model of exactly the same thingamabob the WIKY610-Agamemnon. There's no continuity! WHY? Why do you hate me, MSI? I suggest that from now on, we name all computer components the same way we name hurricanes; A-Z names. With that said, here's all the crap that went into my compyooter:

MSI Z97 Gaming Motherboard
Intel i5 4690K Quad Core Processor
16Gb RAM (2x 8Gb)
MSI GeForce GTX960 Graphics Card
2Tb Hard Drive
Other sundry bits like fans and tiny little hamster wheels.

So, with a great deal of help from my kin, the components had been chosen. Now was the simple task of putting it all tog- oh, who am I kidding; this bit is equally as over my head. All the computer crap was in Edinburgh and I in Dundee, so he sent me regular photo updates of the build as it happened.

Rule Number 2 - Watch From Afar

I have to say, it all looks very flashy. Here's the metal skin of my soon to be robotic slave:

It's got a window in it so you can watch it learn how to feel.
First thing's first is putting in the power supply:

The green arrows are to remind me where the hell everything is in two months time.
Then the motherbrain, with the processor plugged into it:



The best thing about the motherboard is that it came with a "Do Not Disturb" sign.

I KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
What was next...? Oh yeah, RAM.

Sexy, sexy RAM.
Then, as far as I can tell, my brother just sort of balanced the graphics card on top of everything else.

Just behind it are a bunch of tiny spinning plates.
Lastly was the hard drive (and the cooling I believe, but I wasn't sent any photos of that), which isn't the most interesting picture ever so I'll skip it. Oo, and because I refuse to leave the past I demanded at least one means of reading physical media; a floppy drive was vetoed so I got this new fangled Dee Veedee thing?

Witchcraft if you ask me.
And that's everything all crammed in! Hurrah! My total contribution to the process: 0.

Rule Number 3 - Make it Look Cool

Now for the awesome bit: turning this-

"O hai."
-into an awesome, evil, red-eyed AI. Step one: spray paint the edges of the case's front panel silver.

Incidentally, the graph of "Use of MS Paint" over time for this post is an exponential curve.
Bless him, me bro even went so far as to spray the hard drive racks red like the memory room in 2001; sadly there is no photographic evidence of them in situ as of yet. Next, very delicately and with great precision, bash a hole out the middle of the case.

It appears he used a hacksaw blade wrapped in masking tape. Safety first kids!
All you've got to do now is shove a big red button in the middle and print out a HAL-9000 sticker. Sadly, the plan to make the button turn the PC on when you press it had to be scrapped due to too much awesome computer shit taking up room inside the case, but it still lights up!

"I'm feeling much cooler now."
And that's my new computer thingy. I'm super happy with it, and want to thank my brother for slaving away at it for the past three weeks and to everybody who put money towards for my birthday; I am a very happy nerd right now.