|The face of a man who knows how to keep a promise.|
I don't need your rules, man! You don't own me!
5 Things You Need Every Day
1. Air. For the breathings. (read in a Swedish accent, its funnier)
2. A thesaurus for instigating the stimulation of my ponderous musings into, horrendously misplaced punctuation and a lack of grammatical prowess. Sorry Fiona, your number 2 was like that.
3. A six hour face and foot massage from my Portuguese boy-servant/apple thief, Pablo, who, for the record, is paid a living wage of two dried apricots and some shredded newspaper per week.
4. My bestest fwends Kandii and Lorraine, who can be found enjoying some [censored] together at www.[censored].com.
5. A quick swig from my antimony goblet to help the rest of the feast go down.
|The face of a man being driven mad by heavy metal poisoning.|
I don't read a lot, but I've picked a couple that happened to be within reach of the laptop, and a few that I just Googled.
1. The Wiseard's Companion - Ancient Wizards in Ni No Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch
2. Quite Ugly One Morning - Christopher Brookmyre
3. Waiting for Godot - Samuel Becket (you won't have head of it, now excuse me while I sit under a tree and masturbate on my iPad)
4. Buyer's Guide to TV, Phone and Broadband - Virgin Media
5. The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire - Edward Gibbon (oo-oo)
|The face of a man too cool for Roman history.|
1. A PS4. Duh.
2. Donald Trump. A hellish tool of capitalism, but he's great fun to play Twister with. It counts as a loss if the toupee falls off.
3. A film camera. Like, for filming. Not one that uses film.
4. A Subway reward card with 8'000'000 points loaded onto it.
5. An African orphan, so I can give him a present for his Christmas. Then ship him back.
|The face of a man who doesn't know what Christmas is.|
1. New Zealand. Not Australia. Have you seen the number of things that want to kill you over there?
2. Norwegian Fjords by boat. Preferably a really posh one.
3. Kenya. Mainly for the tigers.
4. Pripyat. They say it's great for fruit picking.
5. Peru. The Mecca for over-privileged, middle class, white teenagers.
|The face of a man with the squits after eating that dodgy roasted goat.|
1. Sarcastic (no way!)
3. Eloquently Hypocritical
5 Things You'd Say To People About Life
|The face of the man who doesn't understand any of those foreign words.|
1. If the spoon doesn't stand up in it by itself, it isn't strong enough.
2. Never judge a woman by her looks, but by her cassolette.
3. Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start
4. Never grow up. They make you get a job.
5. Never trust a Roman emperor.
|The face of a man who has hurt feelings.|
Apparently I now have to tag some people... Do other people actually use this site? I thought it was just me. So I clicked next blog a couple of times and bunged some people on here. Consider it a lucky dip of blogs.
1. This one
2. This Pugh
5. And Grubb
I don't see any way that these people are ever actually going to see this, so consider this post a nice, neat little bookend to this branch of the proverbial snaking web of chain posts. You're welcome.