|Luckily I'm an extremely adorable floor sleeper.|
Without further ado, I give you the Pop Culture Cynic Season 1 Hall of Fame! *cheering*
"Just to clarify, the population of Paris and it's surrounding suburbs spends more time flooping the pig in one year than the length of the reigns of the Ancient Roman Republic and the Roman Empire combined."
Ah, the start of something beautiful...the first Film Facts! I like films and I like pointlessly organising things into columns; this was a match made in heaven. In this one I try to work out how many people are orgasming in Paris at any one time; which is much more difficult than you'd imagine. Or maybe not.
"You need to bake each coaster in the oven at 160 degrees Celsius for half an hour; that's 30 minutes if you're using Imperial measurements."
If I'd told myself a few years ago that I'd have gotten into making shit, like, with my own bare hands, I'd tell me to stop drinking all that hallucinogenic future space juice and shut the fuck up cause I is talking silly talk. I'd then promptly shoot future me with a Looper gun and have me some sweet, sweet future gold.
Sure, I like my creative stuff, but I've never been a hands-on kind of guy; but now look at me! I made these all by myself. I am a proud man.
"Ok, got my cuppa and a Dip Dab. Let's do this shit."
Christ, I hardly even remember writing most of this one way, way back in September. My fifth ever review; aw, it's adorable.
"To celebrate Jason Voorhees' official nameday, I thought it might be nice to commemorate his insatiable desire to horrifically murder vast swathes of people."
We as a culture seem to have an unhealthy obsession with watching people die; must be something in the water. Whatever it is, I decided to find out how likely you really were to die in various famous cinematic situations. Let's just say you should be thankful for not taking up diamond robbery or skydiving sans parachute.
"Oh no. I am distraught. Woman #1 and Man #2 were my favourite characters."
The really big news of this year is that my humble little blog got an ever so little bit bigger just as we came into summer; Rhona joined in with the fun! Just before that all happened, we decided to get together and ruin the Oscar fun times by pointing out all the rubbish bits of the Best Picture nominees. All in all, fun times.
"FlapThulhu is pretty much superior to the original in every way: it's not Flappy Bird and it has Cthulhu in it.
That's about it..."
And last but not least, I thought I should throw in one of the few video game reviews spattered about the place among the endless film and TV chatter, book and art reviews, cookery and other wonderful things that have been mashed around in our heads and regurgitated into digital form. I'm mainly proud of this one because the developer retweeted it, but also there is jokes.
It's been a good year, and thank you to anyone who has taken the time to enjoy what little we do here, even if it was accidentally while on your way to porn. On to another one. I'm ever so sorry for the utterly masturbatoryness of this post and normal services should resume soon.